Halves.
Today, Jack turns 1 and a half. I'd say I'm having a hard time with it except my husband had to remind me about an hour after we woke up that today was the day. I know it's basically a made up birthday or occasion but always switching the gears back to me... it's also the marker that I've spent about half my time with Jack and half my time back at work. For months and months after I went back to work, it didn't feel right, it hurt - leaving, while here, going back home - a lot of confusion and pain. It didn't seem to be the job, but at some point parts of that went away. I don't think there's been a day it has been easy to leave but I've learned a lot about myself, my family and just in general more about life and work.
At an old job my boss would always try to tell me you can't change people when I wanted to push back on a client or try to do it a different way and I never could get myself to believe him. While I'm still not 100%, I understand what he was trying to tell me and I'm now able to pick my battles and more importantly, be okay with never starting the others. I will also give him the credit say of the call it 3% I still pick, I barely am winning 1 percent of those so I hope the trend to let go continues.
Often I feel half in, half out - at work, at home, with friends, family. I hope they wouldn't see it as this and I've been fortunate enough to surround myself with amazing people who likely wouldn't but I hope in the second half of Jack's second year I can confidently be more than half in.
